Top 10 Demetri Martin Jokes

One year away from graduating from the New York University School of Law (which he was attending on a full scholarship), Demetri Martin thought he would better serve society as a comedian and thus dropped out. And even though everyone initially told him it was a bad idea, we think his life turned out just splendidly. After earning a recurring segment on “The Daily Show,” he headlined his own Comedy Central series, and starting today you can catch him in the concert-centric comedy “Taking Woodstock.” And to show our love for this adorable and insanely clever comedian, here are some of our favorite Demetri Martin witticisms:

10. “Some jokes are short and elegant, like a mathematical proof or a midget in a ball gown.”

9.“I like parties, but I don’t like piñatas because the piñata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there’s a donkey with some pizzazz. Let’s kick its ass. What I’m trying to say is, don’t make the same Halloween costume mistake that I did.”

8. “If you have a pear-shaped body, you should not wear pear-colored clothes or act juicy.”

7. “I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I’m good at everything.”

6. “The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing somebody’s cast.”

5. “If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I’d probably just start calling out letters.”

4. “The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.”

3. “A quick way to start a conversation is to say something like ‘What’s your favorite color?’ A quick way to end a conversation is to say something like, ‘What’s your favorite color…person?’”

2. “Saying ‘I’m sorry’ is the same as saying ‘I apologize.’ Except at a funeral.”

1. “‘Sort of’ is such a harmless thing to say. ‘Sort of.’ It’s just a filler. ‘Sort of’—it doesn’t really mean anything. But after certain things, ‘sort of’ means everything. Like…after ‘I love you’ or ‘You’re going to live’…or ‘It’s a boy.’”