Student Life | The independent newspaper of Washington University in St. Louis since 1878

30 signs that you’re a Wash. U. student

The fact that you’re no longer pre-med isn’t the only thing that’s changed about you since stepping foot on this campus. When you go home for break, you realize that no one can decode your language of acronyms and your friends from high school don’t understand your social life. While there’s no “typical” Wash. U. student, there are a few experiences we all share.


1. You automatically condescend to b-school students while they laugh about how they will actually be employed some day.

2. You’ve thought about your homework to-do list while white-girl-wasted.

3. Snaps speak louder than words.

4. You creep on people in Whispers from above.

5. You recognize art school students as a different species.

6. You fantasize about hooking up in LabSci.

7. You prefer to watch Kit Mao’s lectures from the comfort of your own bed.

8. You’re used to explaining where Wash. U. is, unless you’re with your doctor or your rabbi.

9. You live in fear of walking in on a floorgy.

10. You were a nerd in high school and are still adjusting to having a social life.

11. You spend Friday nights enjoying the trout at Ibby’s when, let’s be real, you should be eating pizza and drinking cheap beer.

12. You regularly talk about your Bar/Bat Mitzvah themes.

13. You’ve used Bear Bucks to buy a drink at Three Kings.

14. You know who Kit Mao is regardless of whether or not you took GenChem.

15. SHS has told you that your cough/sore throat/identity crisis is most likely mono and/or a pregnancy.

16. You acknowledge that student group parties are better than frat parties and that a cappella is frattier than the frats.

17. You excel at snagging food from BD brunch, even after the crackdown.

18. Bear puns are a regular occurrence in your life.

19. You know that people are never, ever actually going to Schnucks for “breakfast food.”

20. You can’t name the quarterback of the football team.

21. You now know everything about Westchester County.

22. You’ve thought of creative ways to get disability housing priority.

23. The condom dispenser is always empty (but it was never full to begin with; please, it’s Wash. U.)

24. You’re impressive on paper but have no practical skills .

25. BD food prices outrage you even though you have 200 extra meal points.

26. You laugh when you hear tour guides tell visiting students that everyone meets up at the bunny. Has that ever really happened?

27. UChicago tailgates harder than your school.

28. You know what Harry’s is but you have no idea where it is, even if you’ve been there.

29. You’ve calculated how much each minute of college is costing you.

30. You didn’t know what state St. Louis was in before you came here.


Comment with your own sign that you’re a Wash. U. student.


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  • wustlmitch says:

    Not sure if things have changed since I was student there, but the “condom dispensers” are not provided directly by WashU, they’re done by the Student Health Advisory Committee. So they have limited funds and time just like all the other student groups, and can’t always top of the dispensers. They do usually have free condoms available at student wellness as well. So next time you grab a condom from your hallway thank your local SHAC member!

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  • A.M.S says:

    you skip class… for another class…. (studying/watching online lectures)

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  • M.G. says:

    You tell yourself that you’ll go work out at least three times a week and don’t even make it that many times in a semester.

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  • anon says:

    we have a football team?

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Student Life | The independent newspaper of Washington University in St. Louis since 1878