I have been a merry Washington University student for two years. The two Augusts when I’ve been a returning student—this fine year and last—I have asked one question and one question only. Why am I not a freshman this year? I mean, honestly.

A few weeks ago, my friend and I sat down to a four-hour dinner at Ibby’s.

See, my room is special. I’m a sophomore, yes, but I don’t live in a suite.

During those occasional, but not uncommon, moments when I find myself seeking perhaps a bit more attention than is due to me at the moment, I know exactly how to effortlessly reorient the room’s spotlight.

Last week, after unsuspectingly slipping into Olin Library despite its closure to the public (see my crazy Facebook album to come) during spring break, I extended my thoughts on the subject by compiling a list of the best places to go nuts in after the door is locked. It got you all thinking, I’m sure. [...]