Around this time of year, every website and publication releases a gift guide to tell you what you really want. You know, because you really want an artisan leather belt made by Burmese monks who traveled to tanneries in Morocco to make it just the right shade of brown. It’s not like these are guides for gifting unto yourself.

Well, Penn State University’s football program has experienced quite the fall from grace, hasn’t it? Really, the entire school is at a crossroads. A beloved football coach has been forced into early retirement. Penn State’s president, Graham Spanier, has been fired.

Recently, Washington University was part of a larger study that contradicts the World Health Organization’s (WHO) statement from earlier this year that suggests a correlation between cellular phone usage and cancer. Prior to the WHO release, numerous studies failed to find any link between the low-frequency radio waves used in cellular phones and any sort of cancer.

Hi, my name is Charlie, and I’m an over-committer. We’ve all heard that if you say yes more, you’ll be happier. There have been countless stories and movies made. But I’m here to tell you that saying yes isn’t always the right move.

Last Wednesday night, there was a frenzy of activity across social networks memorializing Steve Jobs. He is, for our generation, the man who has had the greatest impact on our lives. As college students, his products are integral to our day-to-day lives. What would we do without our iPods or iTunes? How many of your friends have an iPhone?

I think we complain too much. I’m not coming from a self-righteous, holier-than-thou perspective either, because I’m guilty of it too—probably guiltier than most. But Washington University students never seem to be totally fulfilled. Maybe I should hang out with happier people, I don’t know. Regardless, I think it’s something that needs to be addressed.

It’s right about this time of year when I’m very content with my status as a fourth-year student. Not because I love studying for the LSAT or worrying about jobs, or applying to med school. Not because my future, one filled with responsibilities and stuff, is hurtling toward me. No, I’m happy because I don’t have to move.

I’m all for respecting the environment. Green is good. I love the efforts Wash. U. puts into sustainability. But a change that I’ve recently become aware of is simply ridiculous. Whispers Café is now a place where you can die of dehydration. I was walking to class one afternoon, and decided to stop in quickly for some water. It was hot out.

Perhaps it is too early in the year to be lamenting anything. But lament I will. In two weeks, Wash. U. students will be faced with a major, major problem. A problem that I don’t believe I have ever encountered in my tenure at this institution. This problem, which stirs the very depths of my being, is the problem of too many parties.

I pretty much say the same thing in every first piece of the year I’ve ever written for this newspaper, which is, “Welcome back!”