I decided to take a break from my post-graduation spree of crime and debauchery in the city of Saigon to check out Student Life and see what interesting and wondrous things were happening at my beloved alma matter. Upon reading that the school is demolishing Koenig and plans to obliterate the other ancient dorms in the future, I nearly spewed my mouthful of coconut juice all over the computer monitor at this Internet caf‚.
I am disappointed with Wash U’s drop in ranking from ninth to 11th place. The past few years I have found great joy in calling up my friend from Emory and bragging to her about how well our school has been doing, and projecting that one day, when we moved up to third or fourth place, someone might know who we are.
My girlfriend of three years and I recently broke up. Now, since this is a humor column, you might be tempted to laugh. However, that’s not something humorous, but rather something excruciatingly painful, so please stop laughing until the next paragraph. Before you flood me with e-mails of condolences and offers for dinner, you should know that it was a mutual break-up, and we are still friends-well, as much as the restraining order against me permits.
Church shouldn’t prohibit communion Dear Editor: Over the last several weeks, many church leaders, including St. Louis Archbishop Raymond Burke, have stated that they will deny Senator John Kerry the ability to receive Holy Communion under their jurisdictions.
Most people probably know and love a few vegetarians. We vegans, however, are slightly less common. In case you don’t know, a vegan is someone who does not consume any animal product whatsoever, including eggs, fish, cheese, gelatin, milk, cows and goats. Also, as far as possible, vegans do not use items made from animal products, such as leather belts or shoes, or soaps made out of beef fat.
Dear Editor: Someone please explain to me how the Ervin Scholarships are not discrimination?ÿ Without a doubt, they discriminate. And I do mean discrimination.ÿI’m tired of people saying reverse-discrimination.ÿWhites discriminate against blacks and blacks discriminate against whites; blacks do not reverse-discriminate.
The thought of social work as a profession is enough to instill in most people the desire to run screaming into the wilderness. Raise your hand if you ever wanted to be a social worker when you grow up. I don’t see any hands at all. This is probably due to two reasons.
If you are thinking about going abroad, I say go for it. Studying abroad, along with graduating, is one of the best things that you could choose to do while at Washington University. There are many benefits. For instance, it’s great to be able to tell people that you’ve been abroad.
You can learn a lot about people by having an orthodontic device in your mouth. I got my braces removed last week, and just as I was about to rejoice, the orthodontist shoved a molded piece of plastic into my mouth and told me to wear it 24/7 for the next two weeks.
So much has been made of this “Washington University bubble” that I was disappointed to find out recently that there really is no physical bubble; it is simply a metaphor for ignorance concerning extra-University issues. For the past few nights I have been staying up, pondering, and have come to this conclusion: We should build a giant bubble around our school!
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