This was supposed to be an article giving advice to incoming freshmen on their first day of class. But then I thought that freshmen have been getting advice from everyone.
Aries (March 21-April 19): April isn’t looking too good for you. The month is full of awkward moments including hitting your head on the suspiciously low overhead lights in Bear’s Den and tripping on the uneven cobblestone by the music school.
We regret to inform you that, after careful consideration, Washington University in Saint Louis is unable to accept your offer of rivalry at this time.
Prices fluctuated wildly last month as the effects of Taco Bell’s imminent departure were wreaking havoc upon the Mexican food market in the Washington University marketplace. Students are still enduring long lines and shortages from this unprecedented culinary catastrophe. At Mallinckrodt, lines for the Taco Bell station have begun forming over 45 minutes before the food court even opens, and the queues spill out into Bowles by the time the first burrito is served.
So, you know how $1,638 worth of stuff is missing from Millbrook Market? Well, it was me. Yeah. Sorry about that. Oh? You haven’t been keeping up with Student Life’s groundbreaking investigations? Well, let me refer you to the Feb. 21 front page article, “Student theft factors into food prices,” which reported that “Dining Services is missing at least 678 packages of Orbit Gum, 226 Kit Kats and other snack foods from the Millbrook convenience store.
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