A common perception exists that athletic stars have tremendous amounts of sex. That perception is most assuredly a correct one. So when the rare athlete makes a statement opposing the sex-crazed culture of professional athletics, it automatically draws headlines. Despite setting the all-time record for most consecutive games played in NBA history, journeyman forward A.C. Green is still better known for his claims about remaining a virgin for the entirety of his playing career. And while A.C. probably didn’t have much company on the road, surely there are some other athletes out there whose v-card remains in their back pocket. Below is a list of professional athletes whom I suspect to be the sports world’s top 10 virgins.

10. Eric Montross. A mid-1990s superstar center at the University of North Carolina, this seven-foot goofball surely was plagued by problems of premature ejaculation. If you don’t remember Montross, he resembles a slightly more refined version of your eighth cousin Bubba – big, awkward and not smooth. Montross replaces Christian Laetner as my “ACC White Guy Virgin.” Laetner’s obnoxious on-court antics were tell-tale signs of a true virgin, but I suspect certain players (read: playaz) from the 1992 Dream Team, of which Laetner was the only collegiate member, took care of Laetner’s sexual inabilities on that wonderful summer in Barcelona. Honorable Mention for ACC White Guy Virgin: J.J. Reddick. A virgin for most of college, his brilliant poetry was showcased on ESPN last year as he appealed to a graduate student in women’s studies. That student had never heard of Duke basketball, and Reddick felt that she wasn’t just using him for tickets to the next UNC game.

9. Anson Carter. This guy is one of the few African American pro hockey players. He has been trying desperately to get laid, but unfortunately, the Czechoslovakian groupies who hang around hockey circles refuse to hook up with a black guy.

8. Bill Lambier. Known for being the baddest of the Detroit Pistons’ legendary, early 1990s bad boys, Lambier has brought many women back to his hotel suite for post-game exploits. Problem is, he scares them away every time. His fetish for violently screaming at women ultimately led him down the path of becoming a WNBA coach.

7. Jay Fiedler. This guy just never quite fit in. As a quarterback at Dartmouth, Jay was never able to use his athletic ability to woo coeds where brains were sexier than athleticism. Additionally, Jay’s status as a Jew made it impossible for him to crack the upper tier of Dartmouth’s famously-WASPy social scene. Even when he quarterbacked the Miami Dolphins, Jay struggled to attract the ladies. He once almost had sex with an unsuspecting cheerleader who, upon turning the light on, said, “Oh shit, I thought you were Marino.”

6. John Rocker. The former Atlanta Braves pitcher who disgustingly spewed profanities about New Yorkers, minorities, single mothers and gays is too angry and worked-up to not be a virgin. Additionally, his homophobic remarks might be a mere front for his own sexual identity. Honorable mention for “Closet Case Virgin”: Karl Malone, who infamously insulted Magic Johnson after finding out that he had the AIDS Virus. Karl is also known for driving a 16-wheel Mack Truck, perhaps as a way of covering up his own insecurities and small penis size.

5. Jeff Hornacek. Speaking of former members of the Utah Jazz, this ace foul-shooter surely had his kids via artificial insemination. If I recall correctly, he used to have some sign language-esque hand-motion which conveyed different things to his kids watching back home. Allegedly, when he was angry with his children, the lanky Caucasian sharpshooter would make an oval-type shape. That meant: “You come from a test tube, you little bastard. Now listen to your mother.”

4. Dennis Rodman. Not a virgin, but never had conventional sex. Enough said.

3. Nomar Garciaparra. Come to think of it, I had to add in just one more from the closet case category. Nomar’s antics deserve their own mention. I swear every time he steps in the batter’s box, taps his feet 10 times and fixes his batting gloves eight more, he’s telling himself, “I’m not gay. I’m not gay. I’m really not gay.” Also, he seems to come down with random groin injuries, perhaps an excuse for his fear that his wife, soccer star Mia Hamm, will absolutely destroy him in the sack. If he isn’t gay, he’s certainly scared to death of making love to Mia.

2. Brandi Chastain. After scoring the game winner in the 1999 Women’s World Cup, Chastain famously ripped off her jersey and fell to her knees as her teammates mobbed her on the field. While she may have accumulated a lot of yellow and red cards since that incident, she hasn’t gotten any v-cards. Every time she is about to have sex, Chastain falls to the floor and (in a completely non-orgasmic manner) starts screaming until the guy tackles her. Since this brings Brandi’s mind back to her famous moment seven years ago, it satisfies her sexually and she is then too tired to engage in sexual intercourse.

1. Mike Tyson. Perhaps the athlete with the least fitting nickname, Iron Mike shows all the tendencies of a virgin: emotional instability, reduction in testosterone level leading to Michael Jackson-esque voice, multiple charges of sexual abuse (sex is a beautiful thing – rape doesn’t count for losing one’s virginity, you sickos) and the list goes on. Additionally, he has a knack for biting and tattooing his face, both of which turn off potential candidates. Honorable Mention for “Bad Nick Names for Athletes who are Virgins”: The Big Unit – Randy Johnson.

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