EDITOR’S NOTE: This article was published in an April Fool’s Day edition of Student Life. Its content is not factual.

Quincy Bertram Huffington and Ernesto Beltrinez, stars of the hit television show “Sesame Street,” will address the Class of 2007 at their commencement on May 18, 2007.

Better known as Bert and Ernie, the duo will be making their first public appearance after their tell-all book “Sesame Seedy: Sex, Drugs, and PBS” hits bookshelves. According to their publisher, Bert and Ernie reveal that they are homosexuals in “Sesame Seedy,” and bring to light the disturbing details behind the children’s show.

“We took Muppets that we thought would be well-noted figures, who would have a sense of current issues facing graduates, Muppets [who] would be well-known and Muppets with great accomplishments in the field that they work with,” said Chancellor Mark Wrighton.

Spokesmen for the Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD), Bert and Ernie are planning a nationwide tour following their speech at the University, and are going to the use the tour as a platform to lobby for gay rights. “They’re going to try to change the world,” close friend and confidant Oscar the Grouch told Student Life. “Washington University is very lucky to have them, and they are very excited to speak there.”

Other revelations found in the pages of “Sesame Seedy” include the news that Oscar the Grouch is actually a Vietnam veteran who was placed in a trash can at Walter Reed Hospital; the heroin addiction of Count Von Count, also known as The Count; Miss Piggy having repeatedly gone to clinics for eating disorders; and the death of the original Cookie Monster in 1992 due to complications stemming from diabetes. Pre-sales of the book have already taken the top spot on amazon.com.

The gay community on campus has had nothing but praise for the choice of Bert and Ernie as commencement speakers. “It is really great that the University is acknowledging that these issues are some of the most pressing in the modern world,” said GBLTQIAAFGEFKH President Billy Acronym.

Others have been more critical, especially following the announcement that for the first time, the commencement speech will be sponsored by the letters W, D, O, and the number 7. “This is one of the most important days of our lives,” yelled senior EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU FOREST PARK PARKWAY EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU EMU.

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