College food is a lot like the Loch Ness monster-everyone has heard all about it, but the details are fuzzy.

While college food is no vicious sea monster, what’s the guarantee that eating it won’t let unidentified creatures into the digestive tract?

Fortunately, I have been eating at Washington University for two years and have never found anything suspicious in my food. Even more fortunately, the University’s food service, Bon App‚tit, is rated among the best in the nation.

But where, you might ask, is the best place to eat? What choices do I have? The following is a guide to the dining locations on campus, including their hours, busy periods, and their best food. But first, a few general tips:

1) The beginning of the year will be mayhem no matter what. Expect insane lines and constant crowding. Something to realize: this crowding is in fact your fault. However, you will quickly learn how to navigate the masses of hungry students.

2) Once the zombie-like crowding of all campus eateries subsides, you will notice that certain places still have ridiculous lines; there is a reason for this and it is usually advisable that you add yourself to the end of these lines if you want to dine on the best foods.

3) This is more of an overall tip, based on two years of detailed scientific research. My hypothesis: the more complex the name, the worse it will be. So if you see advertised a prosciutto ham panini with rosemary bread and walnut cream sauce, you can assume it is horribly bland and quite possibly disgusting. My advice: stick with the simple things, like burger or meat on sandwich-you’re pretty much guaranteed a good thing.

4) You can get coffee basically anywhere and if you don’t have discerning taste, you’ll be satisfied with it everywhere. For the pickier caffeine addicts, I recommend Holmes Lounge or Ursa’s.

Food on the South 40

Bear’s Den

Location: in Wohl Center
Hours: 7:30 a.m. to 2 a.m. Mon.-Thurs., 7:30 a.m. to 3 a.m. Fri., 11 a.m. to 3 a.m. Sat., 11 a.m. to 1 a.m. Sun.
Busy periods: 5:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m.
What they serve: made-to-order pizza, sandwiches, Tex-Mex and salads; toasted ravioli; burgers (black bean also available); grilled chicken sandwiches; homemade soup
The best: grilled cheese with a cup of soup (broccoli cheese and tomato are my favorites)
The worst: the coffee
Reason to go there: close to home and pretty much the only place that’s open until 3 a.m.

Ursa’s

Location: underneath Lien by the Clocktower
Hours: 5:30 p.m. to 1 a.m. Mon.-Sun.
Busy periods: 11 p.m. to 1 a.m.
What they serve: smoothies, marble slab-style ice cream, crepes, wraps, specialty coffees and mochas, pastries
The best: crepes with strawberries and bananas, mint mochas (mint hot chocolate with espresso), peach smoothies with strawberries
The worst: those pastries-they may look good, but they taste terrible
Reason to go there: close to home and spices up your evening.

Center Court

Location: upper level of Wohl Center; entrance by mail room
Hours: 5:30 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. Mon.-Thurs. and Sun. for dinner; 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. Sat.-Sun. for brunch
Busy periods: noon to 1:30 p.m. for brunch
What they serve: buffet style food, including pizza, turkey, salad, made to order stir fry, fruit and various desserts for dinner; all typical breakfast food, French toast and pancakes on alternating days, made to order omelets for brunch
The best: French toast and omelets, hands down
The worst: too much lemongrass curry on your stir-fry
Reason to go there: all you can eat (but you better be hungry, or else it’s not worth the 7.75 meal points).

The North Side

The Village

Location: Village House
Hours: 11 a.m. to 2 a.m. Mon.-Sun. for brunch or lunch, 5 p.m. to midnight Mon.-Sun. for dinner
Busy periods: 7 p.m. to 9 p.m.
What they serve: similar to Center Court, also with made to order sandwiches, specialty drinks and coffee
The best: stir-fry, Reubens, grilled cheese
The worst: specialty coffee drinks
Reason to go there: food is individually priced, so if you’re craving Center Court-style food, you can pick and choose your favorites without paying quite as much as you would at CC.

Main Campus

Business School Lounge

Location: Simon Hall
Hours: 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Mon.-Thurs. (carvery served until 3 p.m.), 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. Fri.
Busy periods: on the hour between noon and 2 p.m.
What they serve: huge slices of pizza, soup, special pasta dishes, carvery sandwiches (meat changes daily), coffee
The best: pizza and carvery (their sauces are limited to the pre-packaged kind, so consider yourself warned)
The worst: pasta dishes are hit or miss and trying them requires a sense of adventure
Reason to go there: never crowded, not even at peak hours, an extremely comfortable eating area and a great staff.

Hilltop Bakery

Location: Mallinckrodt Center, first floor
Hours: 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. Mon.-Fri.
Busy periods: 5 minutes before and after lunchtime hours
What they serve: sandwiches, bagels, cookies, muffins, soup in bread bowls, smoothies, specialty drinks and coffee
The best: soup in bread bowls (again, broccoli cheese and tomato are crowd favorites), roast beef sandwiches, smoothies
The worst: pre-made bagel sandwiches
Reason to go there: this is only place to get hot pre-packaged roast beef sandwiches and soup in a bread bowl.

Holmes Lounge

Location: Holmes Lounge, attached to Eads and Ridgley Halls
Hours: 7:30 a.m. to 3 p.m. Mon.-Fri.
Busy periods: noon to 1:30 p.m.
What they serve: carvery sandwiches, soup, bagels, pre-packaged sandwiches
The best: giant cookies, carvery on croissant, no lettuce, pepper jack cheese and spicy mayo or house sauce depending on if you’re feeling orange or yellow
The worst: if you’re not in the mood to stand in line for half an hour, the other choices aren’t worth it
Reason to go there: Arthur and Rob, their house sauce and carvery sandwiches. Personal favorites are London broil and pepper steak. Go there often enough and you won’t even have to tell them what to give you.

Whispers

Location: Olin Library, first floor
Hours: 7:30 a.m. to midnight Mon.-Thurs., 7:30 a.m. to 6 p.m. Fri., 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Sat., 10 a.m. to midnight Sun. for the caf‚; study area is always open
Busy periods: 5 minutes before and after every hour
What they serve: coffee, specialty drinks, bubble tea, pre-packaged sandwiches, bagels, muffins, pastries
The best: the Nescaf‚ vending machine by the computers, muffins (occasionally)
The worst: bagels (usually stale), bubble tea (tastes stale, if that’s possible)
Reason to go there: this caf‚ is a means to an end with socializing as its primary purpose. Whispers is one of a few on-campus locations open 24 hours

Mallinckrodt Food Court

Location: Mallinckrodt Center, ground floor
Hours: 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. Mon.-Fri.
Busy periods: 11 a.m. to 2 p.m., specifically the wrap line
What they serve: wraps, Chinese food, carvery, “Latino”-inspired food, pizza, salad, soup
The best: the wraps line is always the longest and for good reason; macaroni at the carvery station is great; the pizza is also heavily underrated-it’s the best pizza on campus and the fastest thing to get
The worst: Chinese is sub-par; the carvery station’s limited bread and sauce choices are not attractive either
Reason to go there: you are guaranteed to run into someone you know and the food choices are distinct from those at other eateries on campus.

Of course, these food suggestions are my personal opinions. So don’t be afraid to try something new, but don’t be surprised if you end up sticking with a few good stand-bys.

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