Fun in the dorms
Margaret BauerDo you have too much dignity to lower your standards to finally get the orgasm you deserve? Ashamed to buy a vibrator in your local Sex Toys-R-Us? Too lazy to walk to Bear’s Den to get that sought-after cucumber? For all the females alone this Valentine’s Day, the pleasures you so crave are available around the average dorm room.
Bunny Hill Vibrators:
The Electric Toothbrush
Practical and portable, the electric toothbrush is greatest of all makeshift vibrators. It’s the perfect beginner’s tool-the breadth of its base is the size of a medium-sized banana (something we all can handle) and the vibrating sensation mimics that of any top-of-the-line sex toy. Also, the volume of the buzzing is polite; you don’t have to worry about waking the neighbors.
The Cell Phone
The outdated, two-pound Nokia now has a whole new purpose. The texture and the intense vibrating power of this little machine satisfy any desire. The plastic buttons work far better than any ribbed condom to hit the hard-to-reach g-spot. Make sure to put the phone on its highest vibrating power, dial everyone in your phonebook and just wait for the returned calls. Never before has a “Happy Valentine’s Day” call felt so good.
Junior Slopes Sex Toys:
The Curling Iron
Let’s face it, curling irons went out in the ’80s, but their new purpose has more staying power. The shape, width, and hand grips at the bottom make for an easy and enjoyable experience. However, if you want to add heat to your fire, plug in the iron for a few seconds-it’s far superior to KY warming jelly. Warning: test curling iron on wrist before use, unplug and enjoy!
The Shampoo Bottle
If large diameter is what gets you hot, there’s nothing as good as the shampoo bottle. However, bottles come in all shapes in sizes, so pick one that appeals to your needs. I suggest Pantene Pro-V’s shampoo for extra dry hair. Just make sure to clean off any residual shampoo (or conditioner) from the bottle.
For Professionals Only:
The Happy Lamp
There’s a reason why the Happy Lamp, the most phallic of all floor lamps, is so cheerful. The lamp, which clears about four feet, has a rotating head atop a long cylindrical base. The pliable neck can position the head into any sexual position in Cosmo’s Guide to Kama Sutra. To avoid electrocution, burns and abrasions, unplug the lamp and remove light bulbs before use.
Popularity: 1% [?]
Related Posts
Print This Post