As I sat up last night finishing a paper at 2 a.m., surrounded by a mountain of nine Mountain Dew cans, I realized something: I was still tired. The amount of caffeine in a Mountain Dew was no longer enough. I was moving up on the caffeine ladder.

As sleep deprived students at Washington University in St. Louis, there is a distinct hierarchy of stress tied into a student’s level of caffeine and what can still have an affect on the caffeine resistant body. It is not unusual to see students fall into a chair, bleary eyed after studying for a chemistry test and pull out a Rockstar during class. Especially during midterms and finals, the line at Ursa’s can be extremely long, detracting from valuable study time. So how caffeine-dependent are Washington University students? How does one know where he fits on the caffeine hierarchy? Here’s a quick list help pinpoint the exact degree of over-caffeination.

Diet Coke – This is the lowest level of caffeine. It’s possible that a student at Washington University might have passed this level during high school as they juggled varsity sports, Advanced Placement classes and club presidencies. At this point, a Diet Coke is probably only good to help keep a Washington University student awake during a class that is slightly less than enthralling, even when he had a good night’s sleep. However, if a Diet Coke is all that is needed for a long night, your friends are all secretly jealous of how much sleep you get every night.

Mountain Dew – When Mountain Dew still affects a Washington University student, that usually means that the student’s life is not that stressful. Perhaps caffeine is necessary only three times a week, and if the student falls asleep on top of his work, it is not all that big of a problem. The difference comes when the cans start piling up, and when each paper starts to require five or six cans in order to stay awake long enough to push through. Then, it is possible that the next level of should be considered.

Chai Tea – This might mean a normal night for some of the higher stress majors or a really bad night for someone who is normally on a lower level. Chai is the transition drink between moderately tired and the truly sleep deprived. A soda just won’t cut it anymore, but there is no need to pull out the ‘big guns’ yet.

Coffee – This is the point where you start to get headaches during the summer, when you actually have the time to sleep, due to caffeine withdrawal. When you have a nightly coffee run and the ladies at Ursa’s know you by name, it means you need to start spending some more quality time with your bed. It misses you. Furthermore, if you are an underclassman, you should probably slow down on the caffeine intake. Something still needs to wake you up when you get to graduate school.

Bawls – When something says “Warning: This product contains high levels of Caffeine” on the label, you have officially reached the dependent state. Congratulations. Caffeine has started to rule your life, and functioning without it becomes a serious problem. Also, the caffeine problem is serious if the name of this drink is slightly funnier than you know it should be.

Rockstar/ Full Throttle/ Monster – This is the absolute top. There is no where left to turn. If you are a pre-med–which you probably are–consider buying stock in an energy drink company. You will be consuming it for years. If you are not a pre-med, beware of the severe withdrawal symptoms that might occur after graduation. And good luck; you have a lot of sleepless nights ahead of you.

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