Missing out, or maybe not
Poor Julia. She does not live in the dorms. She lives with her parents. This is all by choice?! How has she managed to keep her sanity? Doesn’t she mind that she has no independence? Years from now she is going to realize that she has totally missed out on her college experience.
Ahh, independence. Is it just me or do people have a really skewed view of what independence is? Just because I live with my parents does not mean that I am not independent, and just because one lives alone does not mean that one is independent. Independence is being able to make wise decisions on your own, it is NOT being able to stay out until six a.m. when you have a test the next day without getting in trouble with your parents. I have been independent for a long time, not because my parents and I never see each other or because I am allowed to do anything I please. I have been independent because my parents trust me to make wise decisions about the things I do, whether they concern school or something else. In other words, I act with them the way I would act without them. Undoubtedly there are those people whose parents are incredibly over-protective that no decision can be made alone; this, however, does not mean that these people suddenly are independent when they leave the home. True independence requires taking responsibility, it has nothing to do with where you live.
I have lost count of the number of times I have been told that I am “missing out on my college experience.” My standard response to such thought-provoking words has been, “That all depends on what you think the college experience should be.” Most people living on campus who I have actually spoken to seem to experience bouts of confusion when they are presented with the prospect of a college student who would rather not live in a dorm swarming with other students who can knock on your door at any hour of the day. After all, doesn’t the college experience include having all of your friends living within 10 feet and having spontaneous get-togethers?
Well, for a lot of people this is what college is like and that is what they enjoy, but what if it made no difference to me if I lived that way or not? Certain people cannot grasp that I am perfectly happy living far from campus and not having people knocking on my door and asking me to come to their room for “a good time” (insert whatever activity fits your “good time” requirement). It is not as if I do not like to have a good time (although my good time does not generally include drinking or going to frat parties, not that everyone on campus does that and not that those who do should suddenly stop), but if I really want to do something non-academic I just call my friends and get together with them, it is that easy. Although I differ from most (certainly not all) people my age, I did not come to college looking forward to drinking and dating around (although I hear no one “dates” anyway). I actually came to college to learn. I can hear the line now: “But one can learn so much more outside of the classroom. Not living on campus does not mean having no contact with the human race and failing to learn from others; it simply means having less contact with the students at WU (many of whom I have befriended anyway).
There is really no need to pity anyone who does not live on campus and does not hang out on campus, particularly by choice. Years from now I will not regret missing out on a college experience which I do not recognize as being of any importance to me. I have a feeling, though, that regret will be no stranger to some (a tiny minority, I hope) who have a more “traditional” college experience than my own.
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