To the reader: This article originally appeared in Student Life’s annual April Fools’ issue. Please don’t take anything in it as fact. We made it all up.

In a move that came as a surprise to the entire campus population, James McLeod, Dean of the College of Arts and Sciences, changed an institution “as important and timeless as the university itself.”
Citing the fact that he hasn’t felt a cool breeze on his bare scalp in over 30 years, Dean McLeod cut his afro and shaved his head for the first time since the lovefests of ’69.
“I was some kind of stud then, bald head and all. Women used to come up to me and massage my head, saying ‘Hey Jim, where you been all my life?’ but that doesn’t happen any more. I miss that.”
When asked about how his wife would respond to the impetus for his hair cut, McLeod responded, “she just assumed it was some kind of mid-life crisis.”
“My role in the university will go unaffected by this move, so I hope that the students will not incite violence or do anything that is rash. I urge everyone to stay calm and embrace this change as a progressive act of an ostensibly liberal institution,” continued McLeod.
Despite the pleas, many students and administrators were nonetheless visibly shaken up by the events that have transpired. “I just don’t understand. It was the most perfect afro, how could anyone want to cut it?” questioned Sarah Graham, one time a McLeod advisee.
“Culminating a nearly flawless career was this magnificent piece of work that functionally doubled as hair, but now it’s gone,” added Michelle Purdy, Student Union President.
The sentiment seemed to be the same amongst administrative colleagues. Jill Carnaghi, the plain-spoken vice chancellor for students and director of campus life, said “phenomena like this happen once a lifetime. I am sad to see it go.” Perhaps merely in an attempt to “get off a few hours of work and party like rock stars,” sources also say that the offices surrounding McLeod’s in South Brookings 205 had a farewell party to the saved bag of hair.
It is unknown what will become of this hair, but the reverence of it in the community “merits immortalization by a university forever indebted to the work of Dean McLeod” commented Chancellor Wrighton. He added that possible plans included placing the hair in an urn that will reside on the mantle of the fireplace in Holmes Lounge, and also using new engineering techniques to create an afro wig for future Diwali performances.

Popularity: 1% [?]

 Print This Post

This entry was posted on Friday, March 30th, 2001 at 12:00 pm and is filed under News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.