To the editor:

The reminders to be safe and conscientious in relation to the topics of alcohol, sex and sexual assault remain overwhelmingly directed at women. We ask women to be careful where they place their drinks, who they accept alcohol from, what parties they attend, what clothes they are wearing, what they are saying or not saying in conversation, and even where they choose to walk alone at night. Yet we never seem to question the men holding and offering the drinks, throwing the parties, being sexually derogatory, or even being verbally or physically abusive to those same women. Somehow, the assumption remains that it is the woman’s problem, the woman’s issue, the woman’s responsibility, and if anything ever happens against her will, the woman’s fault.

We teach women that it is their responsibility to say “no” to undesired sexual advances, but never that it is our responsibility as men to ensure in every way imaginable that the answer to our sexual inquiries is actually and truly “yes” before we begin and continue.

To the men of this campus, I am not saying don’t have fun. I am not saying don’t drink. I am not saying don’t engage in sexual behavior. What I am saying, however, is please be careful, please be responsible, please be ethical. Please be conscious that despite our intentions, the consequences of our actions and even the most mundane of our daily interactions often have very real, very painful, and very irreversible results that will last with her (and although you may not realize it, with you as well) for as long as you both live.

We as men can and must begin to be responsible for both our actions and inaction, our decisions and indecision, our language, and just as importantly, our silence. Furthermore, we can and must learn to be accountable when those same decisions and indecisions cause unthinkable pain to the women in our lives, even if we did not mean to. The one out of four women on college campuses that are survivors of sexual assault, rape or attempted rape are more than statistics. They are our best friends. Our girlfriends. Our mothers. Our sisters. They are our partners instead of our trophies. They are complex human beings instead of static sexual objects.

Talk. Ask questions. Listen. Hear what women are saying when they voice their needs and desires. Communicate every single step of the way.

Perhaps today we can begin to position ourselves as agents of a much-needed change instead of guardians of the saddening status quo where sexual assault is not only commonplace but is justified, rationalized and tacitly accepted at almost every turn. It is your choice. Not just about the kind of society in which you are willing to live, but about the kind of man that you and I are willing to be. Responsible or negligent? Accountable or deflective? Apathetic or pro-active? Let’s begin together, today. Have a good and safe W.I.L.D.

Danny Meyer, co-trainer, One In Four

Class of 2002

Arts and Sciences

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