Lately my TiVo has been recording one of my favorite shows of all time, “Saved by the Bell.” Over the past few weeks, I’ve been watching countless episodes and reliving my childhood. In watching these brilliant episodes, I’ve been reminded of how opinionated I am with regard to these characters and their stories. And so, for my final column in Student Life, I’ve decided to have my important thoughts on the issue published. (Can you sense the Senioritis?) Anyway, if you’re not familiar with the show, stop reading and get away from that rock you’ve been living under for so long.

I’ll begin with my thoughts on the main characters:

Zack Morris: one of my biggest role models in life. He’s able to date just about every girl in school, skip class, lead his own rock band (Zack Attack), be a basketball star and score a miraculous 1502 on the SAT. How could this guy not be everybody’s role model? Oh yeah, and he went out with (and later married) Kelly Kapowski. What more do you need?

Speaking of Kelly, could there be a more perfect girl? She’s gorgeous. She’s head cheerleader (and of course, the most popular girl in school), and she’s extraordinarily nice. She never puts anyone down and tries to accommodate everyone’s needs.

For the opposite of this, look no further than Lisa “The Worst Character” Turtle. She’s outright evil to Screech. I can’t help but think as I watch the show, “It’s alright if you don’t like him, but isn’t he your friend? What’s up with the constant put-downs all the time? And another thing: We get that you’re into fashion. You don’t need to bring it up at every moment you’re not driving Screech toward becoming a sociopath.”

Why does Screech take all of her, and everyone else’s, insults? Are those real friends?

I used to really dislike A.C. Slater, but after watching a lot of episodes lately, I’m starting to come around. So what if he has a Jheri curl mullet? He seems like a genuinely nice person to me. He took responsibility when he crashed the drivers ed car outside Mr. Belding’s office and did a great job rescuing Denise Richards when working as a beach lifeguard (yes, that was her).

And Jessie Spano? Oink, baby.

What was the deal with Tori Scott, that biker girl? She came, Jessie and Kelly disappeared, and then she disappeared never to be heard from again? While it bugs me that this parallel universe could never be explained, I say good riddance. She was horrible. Are we really supposed to believe that Zack Morris would lower his standards by that amount? Going from Kelly Kapowski to Tori Scott would be like going from lobster to sardines. Give me a break.

And as big a fan of Kelly Kapowski as I am, how could she leave Zack for that creepy Jeff guy? I always wondered why Zack and A.C. didn’t meet him out in the parking lot outside The Max late one night. To make matters worse, she again left Zack in “The College Years” for her professor, Prof. Lasky. At least she came to her senses in the end.

I remember back when I used to watch “Saved by the Bell” in elementary school, I couldn’t help but think that my experiences in high school (and later, college) would be similar to those that I watched on my TV. I thought that every time a girl gave me a peck on the cheek, anyone watching would scream and shout, “oooooh!” After seeing Jessie’s singing career destroyed, I was so scared of developing an overbearing caffeine addiction that I didn’t start drinking coffee until only one year ago. And I was really looking forward to all of the blonde bimbos.

Well, none of that happened. My college experience hasn’t been anything like Zack Morris’, but that doesn’t mean that it wasn’t a good time. After all, John Lennon once wrote that “life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” If four years ago someone had told me that I’d be graduating from Wash. U. in 2008, I would have called them crazy. But here I am, and I’m grateful for the opportunities that this University has granted me. I’ve only spent two short years here, but they have been well worth it. Good luck in the future everyone! Go Bayside!

Altin is a senior in Arts & Sciences and a Forum editor. He can be reached via e-mail at [email protected].

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