There is such a thing as too much freedom. Yeah, the idea of “free” sure sounds nice. It can evoke some glorified movie image of tearing down a beachside highway in a convertible, screaming your lungs out (and possibly removing some articles of clothing, but that may be just me). But freedom is also about calling your own shots. And who doesn’t want to be his or her own boss? To be “the man?” Well, actually, I’d rather not be the man, at least not all of the time. And forget the convertible. I’m starting to think the reality of dealing with freedom can be alarmingly different from the concept. I need a little structure, a little direction. I’m here to confess that there comes a point in all this collegiate freedom when we just need someone to tell us to put our clothes back on and get our acts together.

Mom, Dad, you can pull your jaws off the floor now. I’m sure you’re shocked to hear me express any desire for instruction. I don’t generally like to be told what to do. I’m more likely to sit and stew in indecision than to ask questions or seek out advice from knowledgeable people. And if I do get worthwhile advice, I rarely take it. Or at least I sit around and wallow in inaction until I’m absolutely forced to act. I do things the hard way, I forge my own foolhardy path; I’m ruggedly independent. And how stupid is that? Do the rest of you have as hard a time admitting how much easier things would be, how much better life would be, if we could just do what we’re told? I’ve made so many dumb mistakes that I wouldn’t have made if I had just listened to my parents. Blunders that I couldn’t have made if there was someone hanging around constantly shoving me in the right direction.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m still a freedom fan. I’m not saying I want some supreme dictator controlling my life. I would just like a little less improvisation. Or at least, I’d like the ability to take better advantage of the guidance provided me.

I blame college, of course. We take independence and creativity very seriously here at Wash. U. But nobody’s exactly celebrating structure. You’re expected to have it, of course. But everybody worships the joys of freedom, not the joys of having the tools and discipline to survive freedom. I value those things a lot more now. I remember loving coloring books and paint-by-numbers. I appreciate Cosmo’s monthly 400 new secrets to pleasing my man-who wants to hit the sack unarmed and clueless? So I think it’s OK to take worthwhile advice-it’s OK to color in the lines-and not always terrible to be a follower. Sometimes the end product is just better.

I’m trying to figure out my study abroad plans for next year and there is so much damn freedom that I feel like my head is going to explode. I could go anywhere. It’s all up to me: the choices and the responsibility of setting it all up. I feel crippled under the weight of all this liberty. I’m finding that I absolutely need outside advice. I need to be shown the next step or I might just stand still. Independence, I’m learning, should not be taken lightly. Sometimes a little dependence is the right choice.

And then there’s Forum and these articles I write every week. They tell me I can write about anything. Anything at all. And every week, I find myself staring at my computer, unable to think of anything to write. That’s when I start desperately calling friends, family and estranged pets to beg for topics.

Absolute freedom is a daunting thing, and it can leave you paralyzed.

True liberation, I’ve found, comes with a little outside support.

Tess is a sophomore in Arts & Sciences and a Forum editor. She can be reached via e-mail at [email protected]

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