Our school needs a better fountain
Margaret BauerI am disappointed with Wash U’s drop in ranking from ninth to 11th place. The past few years I have found great joy in calling up my friend from Emory and bragging to her about how well our school has been doing, and projecting that one day, when we moved up to third or fourth place, someone might know who we are. What the heck happened? We were steadily rising in ranking-and then this sudden plummet. My explanation: our fountain sucks. It was only a matter of time until US News and World Report noticed.
While perusing the University of Washington campus in Seattle, I was impressed and devastated upon encountering their fountain. Not only is it really big and round and has water that shoots into the air, but there are ducks. Ducks! We don’t have many ducks at Wash U, and even if we did, they would not be satisfied with the pathetic blue fountain in Bowles Plaza. If you notice, this fountain is painted blue and only has running water on occasion.
You might think that a fountain is no big deal. But consider why universities tend to have them. A well-designed fountain imparts some very important qualities to the school. For example, it adds an aura of peace and relaxation. In the summer, it provides heat reduction and perhaps thirst alleviation to passing students. Most importantly, it represents the proverbial fountain of knowledge. When people see a fountain on a university campus, unconsciously they think, “Wow, this fountain is really impressive! This school must be overflowing with knowledge and ideas!” What tragic and condescending thoughts visitors must have when they visit our campus and see a wilted husk of a fountain, painted blue and practically begging for a sledge hammer to end its hackneyed and meaningless existence!
While our school is beautiful in many ways, it lacks a coherent symbol of its own greatness. Face it, a demon-like bunny-donkey composition made to resemble Mr. Hanky from South Park just does not cut it. The Bunny, while fun and-until recently-practical for student groups’ advertising purposes, does not impart the feeling that we are an elite university. Neither is the new statue of George Washington in front of Olin library. If anything, these icons scream that our school suffers from a failure of imagination. At UW in Seattle, they too have a statue of Washington; however, he is standing on a pedestal hundreds of feet in the air, looking optimistically at the horizon.
Of course, you might argue that even with all these impressive features, UW is still behind Wash U in the rankings. My point is that while our school is great, it could be made greater with a new fountain. With the successful fundraising campaign, we obviously are not short on money. We should stop wasting money planting sissy tulips and daffodils and invest in something permanent.
An institution as fine as ours deserves not just any fountain. We need one that screams we’re better than Brown and Cornell. I have a few ideas. One: a big, mirror-like fountain surrounding the statue of Washington in front of Olin, with ducks and maybe some Japanese koi. Two: rig the Bunny so that impressive spouts of water shoot up from its head and body parts, to symbolize that we are literally bursting with knowledge. Or three, my favorite: giant bolts of water shooting in huge arches across the Quad. When in full effect, optical illusion makes it looks like the Quad and all the students inside are surrounded by a cool giant glass bubble.
The possibilities are endless. Once we have a cool fountain, our ranking will improve, I am sure. At the very least, if we can’t have a new fountain, then let’s put the Bunny on a pedestal hundreds of feet tall so that it can be seen from miles away. If this does not symbolize our greatness, at least it symbolizes that we have enough money to put the Bunny on a giant pedestal. And this way, the Bunny can stop giving the creeps to people who walk by at night.
Popularity: 1% [?]
Related Posts
Print This Post