My genitals started to itch, so I thought I had a yeast infection. Then urinating burned, so I thought I had a urinary tract infection. At Student Health Services, I gave a urine sample that came back positive for bacteria, so they gave me antibiotics. Two days later, I had painful red bumps on my vulva and labia. It was uncomfortable to walk because my underwear rubbed against my skin. I became afraid. Back at health services for an exam, the doctor simply said: “Looks like herpes.”

When I found out I had genital herpes I was angry, upset, and afraid. I am neither promiscuous nor a slut. I am always careful and always use protection. I probably contracted herpes from a guy I had been seeing for about two months, trusted, and with whom I had been taking things slowly. I never had intercourse with him, only oral sex. I had to laugh at the irony. I always assumed if I were going to get an STD, it would be from some random person, a one-night stand.

My partner got a blood test and it came back negative, so I can never be sure whom I got it from. Not knowing is the worst part. It would be so much easier if I could point a finger at someone, have someone to direct my anger at, and yell at him.

While the virus can remain dormant in one’s system for some time before an outbreak occurs, initial outbreaks usually occur two to ten days after exposure. That is what happened to me.

I suppose the good news is that I contracted the lesser of two evils: Type 1. Genital herpes is caused by the Herpes Simplex Virus and has two types. Most cases are caused by Type 2, which is transmitted primarily during vaginal or anal sex. Type 1 is spread mainly through oral sex with a partner who has cold sores on the mouth or lips, but it can be transmitted through vaginal or anal sex. Type 1 is less painful and much less likely to cause repeated outbreaks than Type 2. While there are suppressive treatments to prevent outbreaks, treatment is usually episodic. Treatment is designed to reduce the severity and duration of outbreaks. Outbreaks are treated with one of three anti-viral drugs. Thankfully, I have not had another outbreak. In most people, outbreaks recur a few times a year. Recurrent outbreaks are less severe and don’t last as long as original outbreaks (one week as opposed to two or three).

Over the past two months I have thought about what it means to have genital herpes. I am learning to deal with my changed identity as someone with an STD. Sometimes I feel like people won’t care, like I’m just a statistic. Other times I fear people will care too much and always worry about me. I fear people will judge me. I have had to change my ideas about who I am and change my lifestyle accordingly. I can no longer rush into fooling around with someone I like; I have to consider the possibility of transmitting the virus to someone else. I would feel incredibly guilty if that happened.

Herpes is one of the most common STDs in America; about 45 million people are infected with Type 2-that’s one in five people! About 80 million Americans have been exposed to Type 1, but only a third of those people express recurring symptoms. People who do not express symptoms can still transmit the virus, and the virus can be transmitted even if a person is not currently experiencing an outbreak. Like many STDs, there is no cure.

I put myself at risk for contracting an STD. I consciously made those choices and I don’t regret them, but I never thought it would happen to me. Now I must face what has happened, learn to live with it, and deal with the consequences. I have been infected for life. For those of you reading this, you have a choice to make. Will you keep your current habits or reduce your risk, by always using condoms and dental dams? Just as I ask you not to judge me, I will not judge you. I simply ask that you be aware of the consequences of your decisions to yourself and to others.

Popularity: 1% [?]

 Print This Post

This entry was posted on Friday, October 31st, 2003 at 12:00 pm and is filed under Forum. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.