Spending time alone is worthwhile
Free time is a phrase not often heard on this campus. In the fast-paced community that is Washington University, there is little time for what we want to do. Readings. Papers. Problem sets. Labs. Meetings. Work. Friends. There is always some-thing to do and usually it is more intriguing than Descartes’ “Discourse on Method” or the structural formula of acetyl-methyl-formaldehyde (does that even exist?). When we’re through with the fun stuff, we turn to work. We sit down and force ourselves to read dead philosophers and draw ethyl-glycol. Yet there seems to be a problem with this picture: what about ourselves? When do we spend time with just us, alone with our thoughts and problems?
It is an interesting question. Why is it that no one does anything alone on this campus? Part of the problem is that friends and people are around all the time. And when I say all the time, I mean all the time. You live, eat, sleep, work, play, shop, and party with them. We always want to feel connected to everything and everyone else. Hence, the late night AIM conversations (even if you just saw them), the cell phone talks en route to class, the second dinner with friends even though you ate an hour ago.
During a casual conversation at work one day, my coworker agreed with my sentiments. We came to the conclusion that while at Washington University, your life is the University, even if you don’t realize it. Everyday thoughts rarely penetrate outside the “bubble”; instead, they focus on clusters, majors, classes, friendships, or that party last weekend. Rarely do our minds contemplate our recent feelings and actions.
What I lack in my life here is not interaction, but solitude. I rarely have a minute to myself. When I’m in my room in my suite and the door is shut, I feel antisocial. When I’m in the library, I wonder what everyone else is doing. It is strange to live in an environment where this is the case. At home, it was quite simple to be alone.
The most time I had to myself last semester was walking to and from the Olin Library late at night. Even then, my mind was never completely my own. I chatted with high school girlfriends (on the cell phone) and made mental lists of everything that had to be accomplished before I could go to bed. I did almost anything and everything-well, everything but think about why I couldn’t fall asleep the night before. My mind was muddied by so much activity; it rarely had a chance to take a break and reflect on all that was happening.
Yet the person who spends time alone is given funny looks. Lunching alone at Holmes usually results in sitting at a table with only one chair. Last year, I took the shuttle alone to the Galleria to pick up some last minute necessities for spring break in Florida. Granted, I would have preferred to go with a friend, but in the midst of midterms that was impossible. On the way back, a girl from English Composition recognized me. “Are you here alone?” she asked. When I responded, she gave me a funny look. It made me feel like a loser.
Why is there such a stigma attached to being alone? Why is there such a fear of being alone? Is it a fear of being labeled an outcast; a nerd who has nothing better to do than study? There was this girl I saw around campus last year who always had her cell phone attached to her ear if she wasn’t with someone. I concluded she was afraid of being “uncool.”
It is a complex thing, being alone with your own thoughts. Would our productivity, creativity, and motivation increase? Could we finally come to understand the logic behind thermodynamics or Plato? I think so. When I have a firmer grasp on what is going on around me, everything is more enjoyable, even work. Think about it-if you have the time. Spend a night with yourself; you may be surprised at how much clarity you gain.
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