Today, studlife.com launches its new Cadenza Song of the Day feature. Drop by the Student Life Web site every day to hear a new clip from some of our favorite songs selected by Cadenza writer Nadia Sobehart. If that’s not enough, here’s one of Matt Karlan’s awesome top 10 lists to start the kick-off celebrations. Keep checking out the sidebar of studlife.com for updates and even newer features that will help to blow your mind the natural way.

Top 10 Songs to halt the progression of a tender moment:

10. They Might Be Giants – “Put Your Hand Inside the Puppet Head”
Most awkward, possibly sexual, command in a song since “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me”

9. Peter Gabriel – “Shock the Monkey”
I mean, I could probably do that alone. And a side note, who would have thought this would be the member of Genesis to make the list?

8. Pink Floyd – “Welcome to the Machine”
Maybe it’s the shrill voices, the droning of (you guessed it) machines in the background, or the horribly bleak lyrics, but I wouldn’t want this particular machine within fifty feet of any orifice.

7. Queen – “Bicycle Race”
With all those tempo changes, it’s a lot to live up to. That’s more performance anxiety than I need.

6. Juvenile – “Slow Motion”
Here’s an excerpt: “If you goin’ through your cycle, I ain’t with it, I’m gone / You musta heard about them hoes that I beat up in my home / They wasn’t tellin’ the truth baby, you know they was wrong.” Oh Juve, you scoundrel. You sure know how to woo a ho.

5. Eric Clapton – “Tears in Heaven”
Bringing up dead children and the afterlife probably isn’t the best way to get to second base.

4. Joe Esposito – “You’re the Best Around”
. . . Yeah, and you also wear a neon headband, refer to yourself in the third person, and take karate at the local YMCA. And you’re not getting laid.

3. Hootie and the Blowfish – “Let Her Cry”
I know all you Hootie sympathizers will be hating on me for this one, but besides die, cry is worst verb to associate with a hookup. And I also wouldn’t want a girl who could be described as “hootie.” Wait, now that I think about it .

2. Coldplay – “Yellow”
If you are reading this and actually believe that this song is not the epitome of lame, you are Chris Martin. Hi Chris. How’s Gwyneth?

1. Electric Light Orchestra – “Telephone Line”
The song can’t help but evoke the image of Steve Buscemi applying lipstick ever so erotically in “Billy Madison.” And the hookup is now over. Tell your roommate he can open his eyes again.

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