The official guide to faking an orgasm: Gal’s version
Every girl’s been there. After his several unsuccessful attempts at the Big O, it’s obvious that it’s just not going to happen. When the “elevator button” hand move and the in-and-out, in-and-out doesn’t work (and will never work), there’s a way out of the situation without chafing and numbness. Save him some embarrassment and let another girl guide him by following these easy steps to the feigned orgasm.
1) Be Prepared
Three objects should always be on your nightstand: water, blush and eye drops. A self respecting orgasm faker is never without these essentials. Also, practicing your scales-”do, re, mi” -and your kegels, otherwise known as vagina tightening exercises, is important.
2) Be Sneaky
Choose the precise moment when he’s most enraptured with pleasure and you’re just fed up. Apply water to forehead (and wherever else you need some hydration), blot blush around checks and chest area, and finally put eye drops in to get that glazed, I’m so turned on, look. When he seems near climax begin the kegels, which closely mimic the contracting of the vaginal muscles close to orgasm. Finally, break out your best soprano and your inner actress. Don’t hold back: The harder you yell, the sooner it will be over.
3) Be Needy
First off, insist on cuddling with him after “you finish.” Right as he’s about to fall asleep, begin the questions: “Have you had any serious relationships?” “How many people have you slept with?” “Where is this going?” and if it’s really bad, “Do you love me?” After this, you’ll never have to fake another orgasm with him again.
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