It’s the spookiest time of the year again, which means people are hauling out the horror flicks, ghost stories, and Michael Myers masks. But what music are you gonna play at that Halloween party? The “Ghostbusters” song? The theme to “Halloween”? “The Monster Mash”? One sees a problem emerging: there is no truly “scary” music out there.

“Wait just a darn minute!” you might interject. “There’s a Slayer/Mastodon/Killswitch Engage concert this Sunday, and I’ll be damned if I have the courage to step foot into that show.” Yeah, that would be a scary show-but more because of the 300-pound ex-con brandishing a prison-made shiv at you than the heavy metal blasting from the stage. Metal bands manage to attract some truly frightening individuals, but slap on a pair of headphones in the comfort of your own home and you’re not likely to run away screaming. Certain performers can even attain a level of terror: if Iggy Pop’s wiry frame came sauntering towards me smeared in peanut butter, I just might soil myself. Yet despite his propensity to mutilate himself in public, his music remains relatively tame. The same could be said for Marilyn Manson, G.G. Allin, and Rob Zombie-not the kinds of guys you’d want to encounter in a dark alley, but their music might as well be James Taylor’s when it comes to delivering chills.

The closest one comes to genuine horror in music tends to be the deeply affecting, harrowing sorts of dirges sung by depressed misanthropes. These might be best represented by the self-fulfilling suicidal prophecies left by Joy Division’s Ian Curtis and Elliott Smith. It’s hard to listen to Curtis wail “Where will it end?” in “March of the Lords” when you know that he later took his own life. In our own time, Elliott Smith’s bittersweet melodies can often be too much to bear. But while these songs are profoundly depressing, let’s not lose sight of our goal here: the aural equivalent of “The Shining.”

It took quite a bit of pillaging, but here for your approval are some examples of macabre musical moments. Keep in mind that many of these are linked to personal experiences that might not apply to others; that’s why you should feel free to submit your own collection of creep-outs.

Tom Waits, “Kommienezuspadt,” from “Alice” (2002). Forget for a minute that Tom Waits tends to make gripping music all the time. Whether he’s belting out nightmate scenarios in the manner of a demonic Disney villain or spinning tales of death and woe in his raspy growl, he always commands attention, even if it’s not directly scary. “Kommienezuspadt,” on the other hand, is most definitely scary. Waits, affecting one of his most sinister voices, spouts pseudo-German gibberish over music played by a Vaudevillian skeleton crew. It’s like the soundtrack to Hell’s waiting room.

Project Pat, “Gorilla Pimp,” from “Mista Don’t Play: Everythang’s Workin’” (2001). While you might not immediately recognize the name, Project Pat is the hardcore Memphis rapper best known for his big hit “Chicken Head.” Here, on “Gorilla Pimp,” one sees just how hardcore Pat can be. “Gorilla Pimp” isn’t scary in any kind of abstract sense; it’s scary because Pat talks explicitly about beating his women. Pat threatens to make his ladies “Jane Does” if they go to the police, and concludes with the chilling line, “Now go get the loot quick, before you get your throat slit.” We aren’t exactly talking about Nelly here.

Xiu Xiu, anything. Meet Jamie Stewart, the man behind Xiu Xiu, a group specializing in turning psychological conditions into twisted ditties. Basically, any of their material is worthwhile horror stuff, but particularly some of the tracks off of 2002’s “A Promise,” where Stewart whispers his deep-seated emotional problems over barely strummed guitar. Sometimes there is screeching feedback. Sometimes there are bizarre electronic beats. Sometimes I listen to this huddled in a corner crying my eyes out. This guy even makes Tracy Chapman’s “Fast Car” seem like Stephen King.

Try playing those at your Halloween mixer. It’ll be a scream. Bwahahahaha!

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This entry was posted on Friday, October 29th, 2004 at 12:00 pm and is filed under Cadenza. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.