Return of the Haiku
According to my Gargoyles calendar, it is Waitangi Day in New Zealand. What better way to celebrate political strife in the homeland of Anna Paquin than with a smattering of inappropriate poetry. So back by popular demand, here is another skinny-dip into my ice-cold pond of Haiku poetry. The Japanese art of Haiku poetry works on the principle that if one’s mind and heart is correctly aligned, he or she will experience a simple, Haiku moment structured in three lines of 5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables. I don’t exactly know what a simple Haiku moment is, but I think it involves a sort of rupturing of internal organs. Well, don’t worry, I’m not good at writing these, so I’ll save you a trip to the emergency room.
Valentine’s Day
Little heart candies
With cute words: “I love you” or
“Sorry ’bout the clap”
Withdrawing From A Course
That “W” on
Your grades doesn’t mean “Withdraw”
It means “Wonderful!”
Snooze Button
Hit snooze: nine minutes
Nine minutes is not enough
Clock in microwave
Microwave Fun
Clock in microwave
Look at all those pretty sparks!
Uhhhh… call 911
Laundry
Pile of dirty clothes
Shirts on the bottom will be
Cleaned by compression
Sneezing
I like a good sneeze
Although when I sneeze I look
Like the biggest freak
Bad Day
Don’t call me a bitch,
Just ’cause I got PMS
Doesn’t mean you’re not an asshole,
And don’t tell me I’m breaking
the sacred rules of Haiku,
I can do whatever the hell I want,
It’s my column
Bad Night
You learn the hard way:
Drunk on Bailey’s Irish Cream
Makes interesting puke
Shameless Self Promotion*
I am not above
Writing a perfect Haiku
For personal gain
* (For those Chainsaw Calligraphy readers who are theatrically inclined, I wrote a play called Psalms of a Questionable Nature that will be presented by the Performing Arts Department February 20-23 in the Studio Theatre in Mallinckrodt. The premise of the play is two estranged step-sisters discover that their deceased parents were manufacturing agents for biological weaponry in their basement. Buy your tickets now at the Edison Theatre box office before the bloody thing sells out. Back to the regularly scheduled Haiku…)
A Traditional Haiku Poem
Drop of rain on rock
Silent water dripping down
Tree… oh, fuck this shit
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