by Kevin Murphy

Isn’t learning great. From the first images triggering reactions all over your retinas, immediately driven deep into your subconscious, buried to ignore their threatening nature, you spend the rest of your life trying to assimilate order and meaning into your waking world. Thanks to this, you’re not a useless vegetable in our progressive society.
Capable of speech, various motor skills, and shaped by years of living in our society under your nuclear family you are now prepared to enter the journey of the joy of learning.
You’ll be booksmarter than other people, and that’s what has brought you to Washington University, institution of thought, impressing people, and maybe even continuing on to an “occupation.”
You’ll find yourself in such exotic locations as the illustrious Olin Library or any variety of computer labs all over campus. You’ll listen to the crackle of glued binding as you spread those pages and absorb light reflected from the molecules composing particles of ink dye shaped into cute shapes called letters. Ya bastard. Accept the knowledge. The brand name clothing or lack there of typifies persons all over the campus. You are such a person. You have been classified. A sense of accomplishment will overcome as you begin to understand concepts and principles. Do you swear
The books will become as friends to be called back upon when the answers are not apparent and your memory has failed you bastard, but you will have learned. Processes, organization, and problem solving skills have networked themselves in your mind.
Prior to this point you will have hopefully learned of hygeine
You will learn in the comfort of box-like dorm rooms with people you may like. Those people may sleep in the nude. They may opt to sleep on the plastic mattress rather than dirty sheets with the smell they cultivate. Gradually you will move up in the world, making for more spacious accommodations where you will malnourish yourself because while you are versed in text, you are 18+ and still incapable of taking care of yourself in an appreciable fashion.
The processes are now a part of you. There is certain conversation to be abided by in the process of meeting a human of a given status. I mean you can’t just go around petting people your entire life and speaking for them as if they were saying the words you wanted to hear. That would be infantile. Gradually you will learn to shape people to your will by playing upon the weaknesses they harbor, like a love for anything. Consumed by pages and numbers something has changed.
Oh, but wait. You’ve tried to absorb it all. The networking has crisscrossed in maddening patterns incapable of reconciliation. You’ve grown a third leg. You’re responsibilities have increased. Life is now your responsibility. Time is given new meaning as the hours of the day don’t satisfy the requisites in YOUR waking world. You’ve left food out on the counter again.
Better throw it out.
That milk was $2.79 for the gallon. That’s $2.79 of stinky mess running down your drain that’s connected to piping. The particles impacting your olfactory senses will gradually become undetectable due to natural convection. Your third leg is kicking you.
You lack discipline.

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