Steinbrenner reveals pedophilia, schizophrenic tendencies via AIM
This is an exclusive interview that Student Libel obtained with New York Yankees owner George Steinbrenner via AOL Instant Messenger.
Laurel Sagartz set to join soccer, basketball, and track teams next season
Junior Laurel Sagartz announced Thursday that she will be joining the women’s soccer, basketball and track teams for her senior year in order to set records for number of varsity letters awarded to an individual and number of national championships won.
Two Bears soccer players charged in September sex boat scandal
Soccer season may be over for seniors John Horky and Nick Kalscheur, but their off-field legal problems certainly are not.
Track and field gets lazy; starts using Rascal scooters
In a twist of irony, the Washington University track and field team has reneged its running way and begun to use Rascal scooters instead.
Sports Briefs
Soccer phenom junior MeghanMarie Fowler-Finn will be wed to long-time boyfriend John Jacob Jingle-Heimer-Schmidt in Graham Chapel on May 18.
Bears baseball attendance skyrockets, forcing team to move into Busch Stadium
Nobody saw this coming.
Terrorist attack on WU Athletic Center spurred by lack of sports coverage
Junior Cameron Williams, once best known for his spectacular abs and his status as an All-American high jumper, is now the ringleader of a massive terrorist attack on Washington University’s campus.
WU to officially change mascot from the ‘Bears’ to the ‘Pre-Meds’
On Thursday, Chancellor Mark Wrighton, inventor of the glow stick, announced that Washington University will change the official name of its mascot from the Bears to the Pre-Meds, effective immediately.
Administration announces new University dress Code
Until recently, Washington University administration trusted all students and staff to make responsible decisions concerning proper clothing and footwear. However, starting this fall, administration will implement a new dress code.
‘Sex, Drugs and Alcohol’ cluster inserted into the new ArtSci curriculum
Due to complaints that the cluster system does not provide enough options to complete their requirements and take desirable classes, the administration has decided to introduce a scintillating new cluster entitled “Sex, Drugs and Alcohol.”