 "Photo: Sarah Klein")
I once overheard two boys arguing with each other about whose girlfriend's breasts produced more milk for them to, er, taste. Right. In an effort to educate the college male about females, several somewhat leading questions have been asked to Wash. U.'s male population and a few choice responses are produced below. We'll start slow, and names are omitted to protect the clueless.
What is a woman?
"Anyone with a vagina and boobs."
"A woman is, uh, a human being possessed of a vagina and not a penis, furthermore augmented with ovaries and large mammary glands."
Although this is an ambiguous question, since we seem to be so concerned with succinct scientific definitions, two X chromosomes determine the female sex. On the other hand, biological factors are not solely responsible for determining who is considered or who considers herself a woman; some have chromosomal or hormonal differences while others may be without typical female anatomy. Gender, as opposed to sex, is often considered a social construct.
What is the best way to woo a woman?
"You have to take them out to dinner and buy them crap and tell them that they smell nice and make them feel pretty."
"Um, be sensitive and sit there and listen to her and nod your head and say, 'Uh-huh, I understand, that's interesting,' and stroke your chin."
Even if these techniques might be effective on a number of girls, there's no general "best" way to pursue a woman since it varies individually; for example, some want to be complimented constantly, while such behavior would disgust others.
Would you be able to tell if a girl's hymen breaks during sex? How?
"Yeah, magic!"
"Yeah, it makes, uh, a popping sound and starts to bleed."
Before you start bragging about how loud it popped, you should know that there is no "popping sound" when a hymen rips, and your partner may or may not bleed. She may bleed even if she's not a virgin, so theoretically the only way to know if she's a virgin is if she tells you, although if she asks if it's supposed to look like that, chances are that she's a virgin (unless it really isn't supposed to look like that, in which case medical attention might be in order). Since we're on the subject...
If a girl's hymen is broken, does that mean she has had intercourse before?
"Yes."
"Not necessarily. I guess she could have had sex with a cucumber, and that doesn't count! Does it?"
The hymen can rip before a woman has sex due to physical exercises such as gymnastics or horseback riding or the insertion of tampons, among other things, into the vagina. Some women are born without hymens, as well. The hymen can also stretch rather than tear during penetration, so it's additionally possible for a woman to have an intact hymen after having intercourse.
Do you even know what a hymen is?
"I've got an idea but I have no idea what the hell all this technical medical babble is."
"That's when, um, the girl comes into a room full of men and they are like 'Hey, girl' and she is like 'Hi, men!'"
The hymen is a thin membrane that partially covers a female's vaginal opening.
Can a girl get pregnant if she has intercourse while she is having her period?
"No."
"Wooh, this is tough. I don't think so, and if she's on her period, it's like free lubrication!"
Yes, she can. And now we're going to kill two birds with one stone -
Why do girls have periods?
"I don't know; it's a natural thing."
"To finish their sentences."
What sign might make a girl suspect that she is pregnant?
"If she had unprotected sex and was feeling strange or had a lot of drugs, because when girls get drugged or extremely drunk they might not remember what happened the night before."
"If she... I don't know, if she thought she had been impregnated."
In short, during menstruation, the uterus sheds the lining that prepares for the implantation of a fertilized egg after ovulation. If a girl misses her period, it could potentially be because she is pregnant, but periods can be missed because of other factors such as stress.
Where do babies come out from?
"The delivery room."
"Hey, wait, nothing pops out of the clitoris, right?"
Babies are delivered from the vagina, except in other instances such as Caesarean sections, but in any case, nothing pops out of the clitoris. Speaking of which -
Where is the clitoris?
"I think it's like inside somewhere, between the outer and inner lips."
"Isn't that the subject of a South Park movie?"
The clitoris is above the vagina. Since we don't want to confuse you with too much "technical medical babble," see Sarah Klein's diagram.
How do you make a woman orgasm?
"By having sex with her."
"You have to concentrate really, really hard and you have to tell her you love her."
This also varies individually since women have disparate cultural and social backgrounds and different degrees of comfort with their sexualities, so communicating with your partner is important. Although some women are proponents of a vaginal rather than clitoral orgasm, and others may orgasm through stimulation of other body parts, knowing where the clitoris is might come in handy since clitoral stimulation often leads to orgasm. So study away, fellows; I know all you pre-meds are never ones to shy away from an anatomy lesson.
