'Pour some fructose on me': How to go downtown

Start off by teasing the banana. Run your tongue lightly over the tip.

Cleanliness is next to godliness. Always mop up the mess.

Remember to put plenty of focus and pressure on the cherry. Try spelling out the ABCs with your tongue.

Give that citrus an experience it will never forget. If your tongue isn't sore by the time you finish, you haven't been thorough enough.

Don't be squeemish about diving right into the heart of the citrus.

Warm up with some gentle rubbing and foreplay. Get those grapefruit juices flowing before getting down to work.

First, become familiar with your citrus. Know the ins and outs of the grapefruit.

Be a good sport and swallow the fruit once it turns to mush. Bananas are rich in vitamins like potassium.

Once you get down to business, keep up a solid rhythm and really put some suction on the fruit. Your hand should be used to work the shaft.

Try to mix it up a little by cupping the kiwis and giving them some lovin'.

The cardinal rule when blowing a banana is be careful not to use your teeth. The fruit is very sensitive to scraping.

Be gentle with the banana. If you are too rough you could hurt it, resulting in both a bruised banana and ego.